What being a work-from-home mum looks like for me

Let me begin by saying that this is not an advice post. Far from it. It is just me sharing my experiences, mostly because I've found advice of this kind to be something I can't relate to, one way or another. These other mums always seem organised, disciplined, and calm. I'm sure other chaotic but loving mothers out there are struggling in the same way I am, so I want to talk about it.

I love my kids. Being a mum is tricky, and I don't always love it. Like most people who have turned a passion into a small business, I love my work too. Both my children and my business are still young. I'm still learning the roles of mother and business woman, and doing both at the same time brings an added element of difficulty. 

Whenever I have said anything about the struggles of getting work done with kids, someone will say that I should be just enjoying them and comment about how quickly they will grow and how I will miss these times. While I'm sure this is said with the best of intentions, and I know this time is going too quickly and I'll miss my little babies, I still find these comments both sexist and dismissive. 

A father who pursues a career he hates isn't told he should be enjoying his kids instead, let alone a man in a job he is passionate about.

And why should having kids stop any of us wanting to make something more of ourselves? Shouldn't it be the opposite? As far as I know, even parents who devote all their time and attention to their children find that the time passes quickly. Don't most of us feel that way about time? Giving up on my dreams until later isn't going to keep my kids young and cute. When they grow up, I will miss these days either way. But I don't want to also have missed out on chasing my passions and building a business.

I am moderately devoted to motherhood. Parenting is often difficult for me, and I don't cope well without sleep, but it's important and what I've chosen to do. I don't make any major sacrifices in my parenting to run my business. Mothering takes priority when it's important. But I work my backside off to find time for the business too.

I read a post from a work-from-home-mum about her daily schedule, with the times her kids get up and nap and go to bed and when she works. My life is not like that. We've never had a schedule that lasted very long or was reliable. We've had recurring sleep problems, unpredictable naps (and Teacup's are now gone), and I breastfed on demand for almost two years and then was pregnant again. Now I'm doing it all again, with a toddler too, and having to work it all out anew. I'm not sure where I'll get the time to work in the future, but I know I'll make the effort to find it.

So how have I managed to work so far?  During nap times. After bed time. In the evening when my husband is doing bath time. During independent play (rarely!). In weekend or holiday dad time. I've sketched and sewn at the breakfast table, lunch table and dinner table. I've traced pattern pieces next to a baby having tummy time and pulled my fabric away from a baby rolling around the floor. I've listened to business podcasts while washing up. I've blogged, emailed, researched, posted to social media, and read business and millinery books while breastfeeding. I've parked a pram and done a photo shoot while singing nursery rhymes. I've done a photo shoot while playing with a toddler. I've drafted patterns while they are simultaneously being coloured in with crayons. I've sketched hat ideas with finger paints.

We've had times where sleep is good and naps are long, when I've racked up 20 or more hours a week to work, and we've had times that I had to use any free moments to nap after shocking nights, and maybe if I'm lucky have a shower.

Balancing time between parenthood and business has been difficult, especially without set work times and clear boundaries. That was always going to be the case for me and my parenting style. I didn't think as much about having to find an emotional balance between the two roles, but that has been the case too. I'll probably never be sure how I feel about my choices. 

But my daughter is bright and happy, knows the difference between a hat block and a mannequin, and wants to learn how to sew. I hope my son will be the same and that they will learn about loving your work and finding passion in life, whatever it is.

Big events and business plans

Fedoras are one of those styles that have dipped their toes into both men's and women's fashion. They started as a women's hat, became more of a male style, and now sit fairly comfortably in both camps. Likewise the colour blue has a longer history of being associated with little girls than little boys. Probably, however, a blue fedora is more likely to suggest masculine vibes to most people, and it does so to me.

So what does a very small blue fedora suggest to you?

If you thought "Tanith's having a baby boy!", you are correct.

We are back in pregnancy mode. Once again, I have survived the awful first trimester of nausea and exhaustion, and entered the second trimester of not fitting into your clothes and less exhaustion.

Having a child and being her primary carer has resulted in a lot of soul searching regarding my desire for my own business. There were times when it just seemed impossible, and others when I knew I needed it so much. I know that having two children in my care is going to be even harder and I don't yet know what that means for my business. I will obviously be taking a break, but what kind of pace I keep up after that remains to be seen. I have ideas and plans to make it work, but in the end there could have to be a lot of pauses that I don't plan for. I do intend to keep it up in the long run in some form, even if it takes years to really get back into the swing.

Regarding the fedora, I don't have a small fedora block, so I blocked it with a regular crown on my toddler-sized block, then hand-shaped the pinched fedora look into place. I'm not sure how well it will last but I'm pretty pleased with the look. Plus, it's just adorable, right?

Oh and the new addition, whose social media nickname has already been chosen at T-Rex, is due in early May. Teacup has been told she is getting a little brother, and says that there is "a baby growing in there" but how much of this she really grasps we shall have to wait and find out!

Historic buildings and Victorian gowns

Today we have more of my Wales adventure, although actually all of these holiday images were taken in England. Never mind.

On my trip, I made time to meet up with two friends, and we found fun interesting places partway between our locations. First, I met my friend Zoe, who I went to primary school with in England, some *mumble mumble* years ago. We met at the Avoncroft Museum of Historic Buildings, in Worcestershire. It was only a bit over an hour from my base in North Wales, and it is a delightful place.

Basically it is a large plot of land full of relocated historic buildings (and bits of them, like a collection of chimneys and a church spire) that could only be saved from demolition by moving them, mostly out of the path of motorways. Along with the windmill and toll house you see here, were an Elizabethan cottage, a dovecote, a counting house, and an Edwardian building that was now the tea rooms. It was St. George's Day, so we also got to encounter the knight himself, and a dragon on stilts. Teacup wasn't quite sure at first, but then all she wanted to do was find the dragon and stare at him. Oh and pick daisies, of course.

The museum also houses a collection of telephone kiosks. Some of them are connected by their own little exchange, so for 2p you could call your friends in the other phone boxes, which is pretty cute. And sadly this was the least stupid face I made in the Police box, but I had to include it anyway.

The second meet up was with an online friend who you may be familiar with. I got a bit brave for my shy self and contacted Kate-Em to ask if she wanted to hang out, and we spent the day at Dunham Massey, a lovely National Trust Estate in Cheshire. The current exhibition related to the scandal surrounding the marriage of the 7th Earl to a circus performer in the Victorian Era, so there were some pretty clothes. In fact, most of the photos I took were of the pretty clothes. I'm sure you won't object.

It was the details I was obsessed with, like these fabric roses along the shoulder here. Aren't they so charming? And lace. Lots of lace. The Victorian ladies knew what they were doing. Which was mostly shunning circus performers who had the audacity to marry wealthy single earls. The reception from the locals was so chilly that the Earl and his wife left Dunham Massey, and it was down to a later Earl to bring it back into order. Which the 10th (or 9th? I'm not sure) Earl did in the 1920s, including buying back at auction as much of the artwork, silverware and so on that had been sold off in the meantime. I wish I could buy back all the family treasures that have been gotten rid of by my ancestors! Where is that hat pin collection...?

I had a super time with Kate-Em, who is not only incredibly lovely but has some almost-eerily similar experiences in life, and career in particular, which led to us talking on and on until they started to pack up the cafe around us and Teacup fell asleep in my arms. We didn't even get to the gift shop! And you can tell we are neither of us fashion bloggers because even though we were both wearing things we had made ourselves, we didn't get any photos of either of us.

But I got a photo of this outfit, which is actually a 1920s fancy dress costume based on the painting shown. That's probably better.

I can only think of one important question to close on here. Those shoulder roses, right? Right? Who wants shoulder roses?

Berets, Wales, and cutting into the good fabric

As you might remember from her part in the Sisterhood of the Travelling Hat, my Mum lives in Wales, and I mentioned in an earlier post that I would be visiting her this year. Well, we have been, returned, recovered from jet lag, and fumbled our way back into our regular routines.

It was Spring, and a not unpleasant mix of cold and sunshine, with a generous sprinkling of lambs, daffodils, and blossoming cherry and pear trees.

Teacup had what might be the time of her relatively short life so far, learning to water plants, eating oregano straight off the plant, picking all the daisies she could find, playing with cats, and so on.

My husband and I pursued our separate interests while he was there, with him mostly launching himself at high speeds down things, like mountains, white water and zip lines, and me mostly enjoying scones. We only visited one castle, Dolwyddelan, which was on the way to Blaneau Ffestiniog, where he had a date with an underground zip line. Still, the castle was cold and windy, and there are at least five ways you can injure yourself on it, apparently, so I guess everyone was happy!

Rather than overdose you all with holiday snaps (not that I took that many, actually, as I was having too much fun relaxing and enjoying things and only occasionally remembering to pick up my camera), I'm mixing it up with some hats. On a theme though!

When I last visited, almost three years ago now, we discovered the Trefriw Woollen Mills, and I came home with three short pieces of gorgeous wool tweed. Which sat around waiting for me to have a design worthy of them. Which had to be very good, because this was lovely, expensive stuff, as well as being meaningful to me, and not something I could just pop over and get some more of any time I wanted.

Except that the years rolled on and I had actually popped over to Wales again before I had cut into two of the three colours (I made some of the brown into the "small chic beret"). So I decided that one of the first things I would make when I returned, would be a beret with one of my Welsh tweeds.

I don't feel the photos do the variegated colour of this fabric justice, and I'm still deciding how I feel about my beret pattern, but I'm glad I've used at least some of the good fabric. And I did buy more!

Berets have been one of the themes of my winter restock at The Blackheath Hub, and I'm happy to say (relieved, really) that they are all from fabric I had in my collection already. Because I really don't need to be buying more fabric! Using up this snow leopard faux fur is one of the great ongoing missions of my life, having some time in my youth decided to buy three metres of it. Hmmm. It's lovely, but it sure takes up a lot of space.

I love berets, and my own red one is a go-to everyday hat for me. This hounds-tooth below is also from an old coat, one that I picked up in an op-shop. You can't go too wrong with black and white, or with hounds-tooth wool.

I made a mix of the classic "French" circular berets and ones with a 6-panel crown. I think in general I prefer the sectioned crown, but it certainly wouldn't work for the faux fur! I tried the cheetah print in both. That's another one that has been lounging in my craft room for many years, having appeared before as a 1960s style hat. I've almost finished with that fabric and I'm thinking cheetah print butterfly cap for the last of it.

More of my quiet Wales adventures and more winter hats to come! Are you an adventurous holiday maker or more into relaxation and inspiration like me?

Custom Maternity Dress by Manic Pop

Earlier in the year I did a collaboration with Nicole, designer at Manic Pop. I sent her a hat designed for her, and she designed and made a dress to go with it.

I love so many of her dress designs, and this one, named the Tanith Arrow Dress, is probably now my favourite! I was very tempted to get one for myself.

By the time we finished our collaboration, however, I was pregnant, and sensible enough not to order a dress that I wouldn't fit into for a while, if ever, since I don't know what size I would return to after the baby, or when that might happen!

So I asked Nicole if she would make me a maternity dress, and she jumped at the challenge. We exchanged ideas, she sent sketches, we played with colour palettes, and here is the result, my lovely custom-designed maternity dress!

This is at about 37 weeks. This dress is a maternity variation on her sunrise panel dress. With stretch knit fabrics and plenty of room in the skirt, it has been comfortable and stylish all the way through to the ginormous end!

With subdued colours, it worked beautifully in winter with dark leggings and boots, and now is translating into our very warm spring thanks to the light and cool fabric.

The idea was that I would design and make a hat to go with it, but it didn't happen. So I finally got around to doing a photoshoot without a hat and with a couple of vintage hats.

This one featured in one of my 1950s photoshoots, but I think it is comfortably suited to the 1960s-modern look of this dress, as well as a great colour match! In fact, ridiculously matchy!

This one I picked up for $10 at the end of a market on a whim, because I thought it had a cool trim. I wasn't really sure what to do with it, but it goes beautifully with this dress!

It definitely needs the hair-pulled back style to work. Luckily I could sort of get my hair back by this stage! It doesn't like to stay that way, unfortunately.

This last one is a special pose. It immediately precedes me saying "Hold on. I've just seen the scariest bug in the universe." I think it was some kind of wasp.

Thanks a million to Nicole for making me this awesome dress! Maybe next time I will actually get around to making a hat to go with it (but maybe not).

2 years...

I'm feeling nostalgic and sentimental lately. Two years ago today I got married, and before too long, we will be adding a daughter to our family.

I've been thinking about our wedding a lot for other reasons too. I recently made my first bridal headpiece. The bride wore it for her wedding last week, in the same beautiful historic gardens where I was married. (I'll have photos from her later to show you!)

For now, some of my own (hatless I'm afraid) wedding pictures are my flashback gift to you today.

Meanwhile, as this is automatically posted, I'm wandering these gardens again with my husband, reminiscing and looking to the future.

Maternity Style with a Hat: 17 weeks

This post makes me happy, as the intersection of such a lot of directions I've been wanting to pursue. Wearing more hats myself, putting more effort into my outfits, chronicling my pregnancy, and refashioning old items into new hats.

As a maker of hats, I've been pushing myself to wear them more, but much of what I make is not casual everyday wear suited to my regular life. I've started wearing berets a lot, and with winter weather settling in here in the Blue Mountains, I'm happy that I have finally made myself one. In fact, I'm on a quest to make myself the perfect beret. This is just round one!

I've combined taking photos of the beret with my first set of maternity photos. The bump looks a lot bigger from up there than it does through the camera lens.

Building a maternity wardrobe has been an exciting exercise. Having to adapt to a new silhouette and different styles than I am used to forces me to think differently about clothes. I also had an excuse to buy a lot of new (to me) clothes at once, and I did the most focused shoppping I've ever done! I actually did some of the activities that are always recommended for building an organised and coordinated wardrobe, like creating a Pinterest board of looks you like, and looking for gaps in your existing wardrobe.

Having said that, this dress I actually bought pre-pregnancy, thinking it might suit a 1960s hat photoshoot. It won't last me for much longer, because it has no stretch, and the extra room it has is close to running out. But I love the cute polka-dots and I love pairing it with red accessories.

I had a guiltily-joyful time doing trigonometry to translate the proportions I wanted for my beret into pattern pieces. I drafted the same basic shape in a six-panel and eight-panel pattern, so I will be testing the eight-panel next. I like the overall shape, but I definitely want to tweak it further to be perfectly happy.

The fabric is a bright red 100% wool fabric that used to be the sleeves of my favourite coat. I feel that in refashion projects, you need to show a truly tragic before photo, so that your final result looks even more impressive. In this case, however, my coat was always lovely. It was just almost worn through at the elbows and starting to thin out in other places too.

I wore my red coat almost every cold day for about 6 years, often wearing it all day while teaching in the cold school building! One of my students called me "Miss-with-the-red-coat".

Here is my unusually-positive before photo, one of my favourites, from a trip about 4 years ago to the Hunter Valley Gardens. Coincidentally I'm wearing one of my not-made-by-me berets that inspired me to start on my own.

One thing I love about refashions is using bits of existing structure to make features on the new item, like using one of the coat buttons to top off this beret. And, of course, that a piece of clothing I loved so much and wore for so long, gets to stay a part of my wardrobe.

By making this just from the sleeves, I have all the rest of the coat to play with! You can probably expect to see more red hats in the future.