I love my kids. Being a mum is tricky, and I don't always love it. Like most people who have turned a passion into a small business, I love my work
too. Both my children and my business are still young. I'm still
learning the roles of mother and business woman, and doing both at the
same time brings an added element of difficulty.
Whenever I have said anything about the struggles of getting work
done with kids, someone will say that I should be just enjoying them
and comment about how quickly they will grow and how I will miss these
times. While I'm sure this is said with the best of intentions, and I
know this time is going too quickly and I'll miss my little babies, I still
find these comments both sexist and dismissive.
A
father who pursues a career he hates isn't told he should be enjoying
his kids instead, let alone a man in a job he is passionate about.
And
why should having kids stop any of us wanting to make something more of
ourselves? Shouldn't it be the opposite? As far as I know, even parents
who devote all their time and attention to their children find that the
time passes quickly. Don't most of us feel that way about time? Giving
up on my dreams until later isn't going to keep my kids young and cute.
When they grow up, I will miss these days either way. But I don't want
to also have missed out on chasing my passions and building a business.
I
am moderately devoted to motherhood. Parenting is often difficult for me,
and I don't cope well without sleep, but it's important and what I've
chosen to do. I don't make any major sacrifices in my parenting to run
my business. Mothering takes priority when it's important. But I work my backside off to find time for the business too.
I read a post from a work-from-home-mum
about her daily schedule, with the times her kids get up and nap and go
to bed and when she works. My life is not like that. We've never had a
schedule that lasted very long or was reliable. We've had recurring
sleep problems, unpredictable naps (and Teacup's are now gone), and I
breastfed on demand for almost two years and then was pregnant again.
Now I'm doing it all again, with a toddler too, and having to work it all out anew. I'm not sure where I'll
get the time to work in the future, but I know I'll make the effort to find it.
So how have I managed to work
so far? During nap times. After bed time. In the evening when my
husband is doing bath time. During independent play (rarely!). In
weekend or holiday dad time. I've sketched and sewn at the breakfast
table, lunch table and dinner table. I've traced pattern pieces next to a
baby having tummy time and pulled my fabric away from
a baby rolling around the floor. I've listened to business podcasts
while washing up. I've blogged, emailed, researched, posted to social
media, and read business and millinery books while breastfeeding. I've
parked a pram and done a photo shoot while singing nursery rhymes. I've
done a photo shoot while playing with a toddler. I've drafted patterns
while they are simultaneously being coloured in with crayons. I've
sketched hat ideas with finger paints.
We've had times where sleep is good and naps are long, when I've racked up 20 or more hours a week to work, and we've had times that I had to use any free moments to nap after shocking nights, and maybe if I'm lucky have a shower.
Balancing time between parenthood and business has been difficult, especially without set work
times and clear boundaries. That was always going to be the case for me
and my parenting style. I didn't think as much about having to find an
emotional balance between the two roles, but that has been the case too.
I'll probably never be sure how I feel about my choices.
But
my daughter is bright and happy, knows the difference between a hat
block and a mannequin, and wants to learn how to sew. I hope my son will
be the same and that they will learn about loving your work and finding passion in life, whatever it is.
Thank you for a realistic image of what working motherhood looks like for you. I feel like those women who make it look so easy are whitewashing their experiences, which I don't think is helpful for them or for anyone else. Maybe I'm wrong, and it really is just one delight after another (maybe with a few diaper explosion stories, just to keep it real), but that seems unlikely.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're doing your best, and I know that your kids (and your business) will grow up happy and healthy. Keep pursuing your passion! You have such a talent for millinery.
Thank you Jessica! I suppose it depends on what else you have going on in your life and your personality too. And maybe how much sleep you need to be happy? But I also suspect many of those that share stories of motherhood are presenting it in a particular happy light that doesn't show everything.
DeleteWhat Jessica said! Honestly, I couldn't have put it better. My mum was a seamstress and artist as my brother were growing up and she did it with us running around the place (and it certainly wasn't picture perfect and organised). But she made it fun for us too. When she was sat at the dining table on her sewing machine or had her paints out, we'd have something creative to do too.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, we had what we called 'the doings box'. It was just a huge box filled with things like sticky back plastic, paper dollies, pipe cleaners, poster paints and loads more. We could then get our creative juices flowing alongside her.
You can probably see why I'm such a creative person, having grown up in that environment, but my brother is the complete opposite. He is not in the slightest bit creative and actually is very logical and scientific. My dad's creative too, so I have no idea where he gets it from! xx
That sounds so wonderful Cate! I hope your mum won't mind, but I think I'll have to take that idea and have a 'doing box' too!
DeleteI am not a mother but I totally 100% appreciate this post and the realism of it as well. I want to give you a big hug and say that "your awesome" and thank you for sharing your story, I know many of my friends who are going thru similar struggles as you will appreciate reading this post. We are only human in the end, and are doing the best we can. Thank you once again for being so real.
ReplyDeleteAwww thank you so much Liz! I'm glad I shared my story after this response.
DeleteI really enjoyed reading this and hearing more about you. Parenthood sounds like life's hardest challenge, and the fact that you're also doing work from home impresses me no end. I turn into my evil twin when sleep deprived so how you are doing all of this is amazing. I think like with all things in life we just make it through as best we can, and are all so different in what works best for us. So, comparison is rarely helpful! Xx
ReplyDeleteThat is a good description - turning into your evil twin. It's a phrase that could be easily used about me too. I really like my sleep.
DeleteThank you for your lovely words and I'm glad you enjoyed the post :)
I always find it interesting how other mothers balance work, hobbies and parenting ~ so thanks for writing this post Tanith! For sure my "work" is mostly done through naps and any spare moments I can find.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing I've had to do is teach my son to have independent play time. He sits with his Lego and plays quietly while I do stuff. He dropped his naps at a very early age and that was the only way I could get anything done. It's taken a while for him to do that for longer stretches of time, but it's very helpful now.
xox,
bonita of Lavender & Twill
I'm glad you enjoyed it, Bonita! Yes, the independent play. It comes and goes around here, and at the moment I have to use it for baby settling and household tasks, but once they are both a bit older I hope it will be different!
DeleteI'm glad that you shared this, it feels very real life rather than some articles that just seem written to foster guilt or inadequacy in the reader. I think it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job in both of your roles. I struggle with the idea that a mother must sacrifice herself for her children, I don't see how that helps either of them be happy and well adjusted. I hope you get some good long sleeps soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm strongly opposed to guilt and inadequacy, and motherhood brings enough of that whatever you do. I hope I get long sleeps soon too :)
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